Ever since I first found out that I was pregnant with Elle I have struggled and worried over one thing; Feeling a protectiveness over mine and Sophie's relationship. To be very honest, I was worried that I would resent Elle for taking away from Sophie. For two years Sophie has been my number one concern. I make
every single decision based on how it will effect her. Now there is going to be a new baby that needs that same kind of love and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to give it. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited about Elle. but I couldn't help these emotions that I felt so strongly. I've always heard that second time mother's have these concerns and I was praying that was my case! My friend, Sarah Holland, sent me this poem that another friend of hers posted on her blog. It brought me to tears because it was exactly, word for word, how I felt! It gave me such comfort to know that I was not alone and that there
IS enough love for both. I especially love where she mentions both daughter's having their own supply!
Today I was thinking about all the fun that Sophie and I will have with this new baby. I know once she has made the difficult adjustments of not being the only child that she will be an incredible attentive, caring, and protective Big Sister! She is so eager to help Joe and I with anything we need. I've watched her love her babies and care for them as if she were grown! So, here is to you, Sophie! Mommy loves you more than I ever imagined I could love! I remember the moment that I felt like your mother. It wasn't the very moment I gave birth, but a couple days later. I remember feeling that I would walk the earth to get you what you needed. I would fight for you until my last breath. I would protect you even if it hurt me. I would make sure you knew that in this world there was nothing as important as YOU! You will never share my love - you have your own supply!
I walk along holding your two year old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder, how could I ever love another child as I love you?Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before.I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't." Knowing, in fact, that I never can again.You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her - as thought I am betraying you.But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally genuine affection.More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared; just us two. There are new times - only now, there are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.I watch how she adores you - as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her enw accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't take something from you, I've given something to you.I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. yes, I can love another child as much as I love you - only differently.And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never have to share my love. There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply!I love you - both. And I thank you for blessing my life.
When she first was born we thought she looked identical to Sophie, but her looks have really changed!
