From a Momma's Heart

I've taken a bit of a break this summer from most things including this blog. Anyone who is close to us knows that the past couple of years have been, well, crazy. We've had one hit after another. It was so bad that there were actually a couple of days where I was scared to go out of my house for fear of the sky falling on me. Because that was the kind of "freak" things that were happening. Not really freak, but frequent, I guess. With the grace of God I just kept rolling with these hits. However this last move did me in. I was exhausted. I was tired. I was not being the Momma that my heart longed to be to my babies. I was disappointed in myself which added to the frustration.

One day it hit me. Quit. Just quit and play with your babies. Don't worry if the house is clean. Don't worry if my hair is fixed. Don't worry about the laundry piling up. Just have fun with my girls. Take naps. Shut the door to the laundry room on our way out to the pool. Embrace my naturally curly tresses. Although, let's be honest, I'm way too much of a Southern Belle to not at least pull a curling iron through a couple pieces.

So, what was my schedule like this summer? Breakfast, Work out, Naps, Lunch, Pool, Dinner, Bed. Every.single.day.

And I loved it. I took more naps this summer than I have in my entire "Mommy hood".

And I got a pretty nice tan.

And made some fun memories.

But most of all I got rest. And time to reflect on the Momma, Wife, and person I want to be.

I got to reflect on the blessings in my life. Things that I am so thankful that God has given me.

About a month ago I was afraid that I would never get out of this funk I was in. But last week something clicked and I felt better.

Having down time showed me where I had become jaded by our circumstances the past five years. I had survived, but not very well.

Having down time also showed me that I'm a uptight. I'm so consumed with making sure that the girls are what people and society think they should be that I'm missing the joys of them. All I can do is love them. Trust God and the instincts He gave me to mother them. And teach them to treat others the way they want to be treated. Every thing will turn out ok.

I've learned to trust myself. I've learned that I'm never going to be perfect and that's ok. The people that I was trying so hard to be perfect for will always find something wrong so stop trying. It's not worth the hassle, stress, or heart ache.

I've seen how good God is. Not because there isn't pain, heart ache, and devastation, but because through these things He is constant.

**I also have to say a huge thank you to my husband for supporting me in my sabbatical from housework. He never complained and even pitched in on the weekends.