Perfectly said

Ever since I first found out that I was pregnant with Elle I have struggled and worried over one thing; Feeling a protectiveness over mine and Sophie's relationship. To be very honest, I was worried that I would resent Elle for taking away from Sophie. For two years Sophie has been my number one concern. I make every single decision based on how it will effect her. Now there is going to be a new baby that needs that same kind of love and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to give it. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited about Elle. but I couldn't help these emotions that I felt so strongly. I've always heard that second time mother's have these concerns and I was praying that was my case! My friend, Sarah Holland, sent me this poem that another friend of hers posted on her blog. It brought me to tears because it was exactly, word for word, how I felt! It gave me such comfort to know that I was not alone and that there IS enough love for both. I especially love where she mentions both daughter's having their own supply!

Today I was thinking about all the fun that Sophie and I will have with this new baby. I know once she has made the difficult adjustments of not being the only child that she will be an incredible attentive, caring, and protective Big Sister! She is so eager to help Joe and I with anything we need. I've watched her love her babies and care for them as if she were grown! So, here is to you, Sophie! Mommy loves you more than I ever imagined I could love! I remember the moment that I felt like your mother. It wasn't the very moment I gave birth, but a couple days later. I remember feeling that I would walk the earth to get you what you needed. I would fight for you until my last breath. I would protect you even if it hurt me. I would make sure you knew that in this world there was nothing as important as YOU! You will never share my love - you have your own supply!

I walk along holding your two year old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder, how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't." Knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her - as thought I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared; just us two. There are new times - only now, there are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you - as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her enw accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't take something from you, I've given something to you.

I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. yes, I can love another child as much as I love you - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never have to share my love. There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply!

I love you - both. And I thank you for blessing my life.

Finally...

I feel like life has been crazy busy the past couple of weeks but not the "hey, let me tell you about all about it because it's been so fun" busy. It's been the mundane getting the house together, etc. busy. Althought it does seem as if Baby Elle will be making an appearance sooner than her due date. And I am not complaining about that :)! I went to the doctor yesterday and all of us were shocked at how much progress I had made since six days before. Basically, all I need are contractions and I will be considered in active labor. I'm trying very hard not to get my hopes up that she'll be here soon because labor is just so darn unpredictable! I could still go another week or more! However, if I'm going on Sophie's mood I would say that this baby will be here in a couple of days. Bless her heart, she is out of sorts! She has been especially clingy - she's always a Momma's girl, but it has been extreme lately! She wouldn't even go to "her" Nanny, as she likes to call my mother, last night because she wanted me. That was huge. She always goes to her Nanny!! I think she is picking up that her little life is about to change in a BIG way! Even more so than it already has! Oh, she has been such a trooper through all of these changes! I hate that she has had so many changes all at once, but that is life! I have tried to show her that sometimes life throws your some curveballs and all you can do is make the best of it. I haven't been the perfect example in this, but that is part of the process as well.

Sophie has been such an absolute hoot lately!! The things she comes up with are hilarious! She's just so much fun to be around and a part of me is a little sad that our time of it being just us is almost over! It has been an adjustment being in Kentucky and having people fighting to see Sophie. (Not really fighting, but stopping by, asking to watch her, etc.) Although, it is a welcomed change it has taken some getting use to! In Plant City, it was just Sophie and I. A lot of weeks Joe wouldn't even see her until the weekend because by the time he got home from work or school she would be in bed. So she was literally my constant companion! Please don't get me wrong, I am LOVING having family around and their help has been such a blessing! All I'm saying is that it took some adjusting to not having to do everything on my own.

At the rate I'm going I'm sure the next post I do will be announcing Ellie Faye :)!

Life in Kentucky so far

Well, things have been pretty crazy - lots going on since we've been here! I have to be honest there have been many tears because it seemed at first that we were hitting one obstacle after another! Thankfully the two major "stressors" have worked themselves out and I feel like I can breath a little better now!

We found a house!! YAY! And it is seriously SUCH an answer to pray!! It is exactly what I was praying for AND MORE! We get the keys tomorrow so I'll be cleaning away this weekend :)! Joe comes up next week with all our stuff. Thank the Lord, I've been missing him AND the winter coat I left in Florida, ha!

My new doctor - who I LOVE - does a 32 week ultrasound so we saw Ellie Faye. My mother was able to go with me which was so special! I'm going to LOVE that part of living here - and many others! They discovered that she is breached. I have another ultrasound at 36 weeks and if she is still breached then they'll schedule me a c-section. I'll have ANOTHER ultrasound the day of the scheduled c-section to make sure she hasn't turned around. If she has then they'll cancel the c-section. I'm on the fence about the whole c-section thing. Obviously, I would much rather not have one, but I think that God knows the delivery that will be the safest and best for both me and Elle and that is the one I pray that I will have! I'll post some pictures of Elle. It's crazy how much she looks like Sophie and Joe! I guess we know who has the strong genes in the family, ha :)! She's just perfect! She was cracking us all up because she had her foot in front of her face the entire time! Every tech that has given me an ultrasound has talked about how active she is - not sure how to take that :)!

So long Florida, Hello Kentucky!

Well, this isn't going to be a long post - just a quicky to say that we leave Florida for our new adventure in Kentucky in less than 48 hours. There have been lots of unknowns and changed plans, lots of "are we crazy moments", and lots of confirmations that we are doing the right thing - even if it seems crazy! I'm am super excited, but also very emotional about leaving our first home. The home that we brought Sophie to, the home where I learned what it was like to be a mother, the home that has heard our dreams, our frustrations, and our fears, the home where Sophie took her first steps, the home that I poured my heart into. Little moments of sadness will cross when I think of something special that happened where I am at that moment. I think that this move is very much needed by every member in our family, but I'm going to miss our home!

No clue what just happened!!!

OK, I'm not sure how that happened, but it just posted my blog while I was in the middle of writing. Not cool!

As I was saying....

We are in a MEGA transition stage! I've mentioned this a million and one times before, but I'm a planner. I have to know the when, what, where, how, etc of the situation! And I have to know it before it happens! I think we can all see where God needs to work in my life, ha! Well, don't you worry - He is!! What our future holds is very unknown at the time. I am having to trust God in a way that I've never had to do before! I would love to say that I've been great in this area, but truthfully, it's been a struggle! Here's to new beginnings...

Blog Official

Ok, so it's "blog official" - we are moving to KENTUCKY!!!! YAY :)!!! I think we all would know that I would be lying to say that this hasn't been my hearts desire for a long time! The fact that God made it possible is beyond amazing to me! Although it was an unconventional way of doing so we still feel like God is opening up a door for us to go there - even if just for a season. We took several weeks to pray and think about it from every angle. I, myself, wanted to make sure that this truly was God's WILL and not just MY DESIRE! I know in my heart of hearts that if it was not His will then I would not be truly content so better make sure because packing while 7 months pregnant is NOT the easiest, ha! There are some other big changes that may happen so I'll wait until those are official to tell the world on blog :)! We are definitely in MEGA +

Fall trips

Our trip to Kentucky turned into a Kentucky/Tennessee trip. We were scheduled to fly home from Kentucky LATE, LATE Sunday night 9/26 and then fly to Tennessee EARLY Wednesday morning. I don't know what I was thinking when I booked that flight back from Kentucky!! Once we were there I knew it was going to be entirely too much to ask of Sophie to travel that much! So we sent Joe on home and stayed a few extra days and drove to TN with Mama. My sister was speaking at Lee's chapel so we all came to hear her. She did a fabulous job - as I knew she would!! Here are some pictures from our trip. We had the best time!!!

Does this view not eliminate all the stress you feel?? It's honestly as close to heaven on earth that you'll find! There is just something about this place that makes all my worries go away!

Sophie is a fanatic about outdoors!! She LOVES being outside! One morning while eating breakfast Sophie brought us her play clothes, shoes, and diaper. She proceeded to try and put them all on by herself, ha! I think she kinda looks like a bag lady here, lol!

My sister and I! I miss having her around so much!! I don't know where in life I would be with out her!!
It just so happened that a friend of mine was having a bday party while I was in town! It was so good to see everyone and I hate that I didn't get pictures with the others! Ha! Arhmin and I can NEVER take a normal picture! It is always awkward in some way! Bless our hearts!

These girls absolutely adore each other!!! It does amaze me how close their connection is even though they've only been around each other 4x in their life! They truly are like sisters!

Sophie had been kissing Emma, but of course we weren't able to capture it :(

Granddad and his girls!

I thought this was a sweet picture of the three of them!

My favorite quote of the week came from Miss Emma - "Aunt Sara, I want to open up your tummy and see the baby." Ha! LOVED it! The mind of babies :)!