Accountability

I have contemplated writing this post or not. This post is about something that I have dealt with this year, and it has taken some heavy thinking to come to the conclusions I have. I do not want to hurt any one with these words; as truth is not always easily excepted because it hurts. Anywho…I will get on with it. There were some areas of my life that reminded me of the movie Mean Girls and not in a good way (not that there really is a good way for your life to resemble this movie!); especially the scene where they are all on the phone talking about each other then clicking over and being best friends. This seemed perfectly normal in my life before college, but when I returned it disgusted me! I learned at Lee what true friendship is. I had friends that would hold me accountable. Sure at times it was uncomfortable, but I learned true acceptance in their words. They accepted me as I was and in my most vulnerable times. They did not go and gossip to our other friends about what I had shared with them. God used these people to show me who He was, what His grace truly means, and what He wanted to do in my life. In this transformation I began to detest fakeness and not being consistent in every area of life. Maybe because for so long my life was seeping with secrets, hidden hurts, and lies. When God started healing these areas I realized just how dangerous they are! I believe that God calls us to live in truth at all times. That is not always an easy road to travel! There have been several times when I would have liked nothing more than to high tail it the other way, but God stepped in and convicted my heart. I read an amazing book called Cazone. One specific chapter is about finding out what it is that God has called you to do. The author said to think about the things that infuriate you and you will find what values you hold most significant. For example, if it makes you angry when people disrespect you/others then respect is something that is highly important to you. Where as another person may hate selfishness…this means they are a giver. Well, the number one thing that gets me more fired up than anything is lying/fakeness/inconsistancy. I HATE it! Therefore, openness and honesty is what I appreciate most. Even when it hurts! My life is too short to worry about relationships where people are constantly trying to out do and tear down those around them. I want friendships that are true, constant, sincere, trust worthy, and honest. I do not have time to waste on friendships that do not hold these values. Being older has changed my view on time. Time is a precious gift and I want to make sure that I spend it on things that are uplifting. Not things that are purposely trying to put people down! For a period I thought that sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, but in the same book the author talks about how God does not want us to be encircled by harmful/negative influences. He wants our lives to be supported by people that show His love and encouragement. I realized that I was pouring into things that were empty anyways and I needed to be investing in people who actually cared about themselves and others. Of course, according to certain people now I am a snob, weird, and stuck up because of my decisions. Where as I just want to surround myself with people that hold me accountable to becoming more Christ-like. It has been very painful at times because my intentions have been misunderstood. It looks to some that I am turning my nose up at them, but really I want the best for them! If I continually keep silent then I am not being a true friend either. I have to be willing to give them same that I hope for.