Accountability

I have contemplated writing this post or not. This post is about something that I have dealt with this year, and it has taken some heavy thinking to come to the conclusions I have. I do not want to hurt any one with these words; as truth is not always easily excepted because it hurts. Anywho…I will get on with it. There were some areas of my life that reminded me of the movie Mean Girls and not in a good way (not that there really is a good way for your life to resemble this movie!); especially the scene where they are all on the phone talking about each other then clicking over and being best friends. This seemed perfectly normal in my life before college, but when I returned it disgusted me! I learned at Lee what true friendship is. I had friends that would hold me accountable. Sure at times it was uncomfortable, but I learned true acceptance in their words. They accepted me as I was and in my most vulnerable times. They did not go and gossip to our other friends about what I had shared with them. God used these people to show me who He was, what His grace truly means, and what He wanted to do in my life. In this transformation I began to detest fakeness and not being consistent in every area of life. Maybe because for so long my life was seeping with secrets, hidden hurts, and lies. When God started healing these areas I realized just how dangerous they are! I believe that God calls us to live in truth at all times. That is not always an easy road to travel! There have been several times when I would have liked nothing more than to high tail it the other way, but God stepped in and convicted my heart. I read an amazing book called Cazone. One specific chapter is about finding out what it is that God has called you to do. The author said to think about the things that infuriate you and you will find what values you hold most significant. For example, if it makes you angry when people disrespect you/others then respect is something that is highly important to you. Where as another person may hate selfishness…this means they are a giver. Well, the number one thing that gets me more fired up than anything is lying/fakeness/inconsistancy. I HATE it! Therefore, openness and honesty is what I appreciate most. Even when it hurts! My life is too short to worry about relationships where people are constantly trying to out do and tear down those around them. I want friendships that are true, constant, sincere, trust worthy, and honest. I do not have time to waste on friendships that do not hold these values. Being older has changed my view on time. Time is a precious gift and I want to make sure that I spend it on things that are uplifting. Not things that are purposely trying to put people down! For a period I thought that sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, but in the same book the author talks about how God does not want us to be encircled by harmful/negative influences. He wants our lives to be supported by people that show His love and encouragement. I realized that I was pouring into things that were empty anyways and I needed to be investing in people who actually cared about themselves and others. Of course, according to certain people now I am a snob, weird, and stuck up because of my decisions. Where as I just want to surround myself with people that hold me accountable to becoming more Christ-like. It has been very painful at times because my intentions have been misunderstood. It looks to some that I am turning my nose up at them, but really I want the best for them! If I continually keep silent then I am not being a true friend either. I have to be willing to give them same that I hope for.

Retiring

A sad day has come…I have to retire my high heels. I have worn my 4in stilettos up until this point in my pregnancy. Not everyday of course, but more than I should have. Any one remotely close to me knows how I love my heels. Even on my most frumpy feelin’ days I will throw on a pair of heels and magically feel better. It is like I am saying to the world, “I may look and feel like I have been ran over by a train, but at least I have cute heels on”. However, the other weekend while I was at the beach I noticed a very small spider vein on the crease of my knee. It is not noticeable to any person except me, but it was still there; making its presence known to me like a bright hot air balloon. After researching a bit I discovered that wearing heels during a person’s pregnancy can cause these veins to occur. It has something to do with the pressure on the veins. I realized then that my suffering through the pain and aching of wearing heels was not the only problem. So I made the hard decision to put my heels to rest until after Sophie is born (with the exception of a few special occasions).

Highlights of the week

Once again I have lots of updates. I will section them so it is not so confusing/random…

House –

We are officially moved in!! YAY! We are still working on putting everything away and hope to have it completely finished by this weekend. My mom is coming in town and she is seriously super woman when it comes to unpacking/decorating! I do not think that I could do this with out her help! This is probably sad to many since I am 24 and about to become a mother myself, but sometimes a girl just needs her mom. This is one of those times. It has been difficult because I think that I can accomplish what I did before I was pregnant. I am the type that wants to get everything done and I will not rest until it is. I can not do that now. I have to pace myself, ask for help, and recognize that I have limitations. Not saying that I am an invalid, but there are simply things that I can and should not do. To say the least it was a challenging weekend from that aspect. I think it was good for me though. I had to depend on people to help me. And as much as my husband might disagree because I do not have a problem asking him for help, I do have a difficulty asking others. God will take any opportunity He can to stretch us.

Baby –

Oh my word, Sophie is growing like a weed! Every night when I get home from work Joe proceeds to tell me that my belly has grown even bigger that day. Never in my life did I ever think I would hear the words, “Baby, your belly is getting so round” from my husband; at least not with out him getting hit. Her nursery has turned out just as a hoped!! I can not wait to get everything in there and to put up her decorations! It is such a fun room! I hope she loves it!!

(We still have to finish the top part of the walls.) We painted 3 walls this color. And...

Then one wall with polka dots. This is the wall where her crib will be

Hair –
I cut my hair…short! And I LOVE it!! Maybe it is the pregnancy hormones speaking, but I think it is one of the best decisions I have made lately! My hair is growing at an incredible rate and I have so much of it that it was just all over the place. I was constantly putting it up so that it was off my neck. I went to Katie Sharer, soon to be Buston, and she did a phenomenal job! If any of ya’ll live close to the vicinity of PC or plan on visiting me you should definitely make an appointment with her! I have a phobia of layers since I have had so many people completely hack my hair up, but I have finally found someone who can actually cut layers! I know that you probably think that I am dramatizing this, I probably am or maybe it is my hormones, but I am just so happy with the cut!

I did not actually fix it this day. Another great thing about this hair cut...low maintenance!

The side view.

Update

I have a feeling that I am going to be writing a lot this week, and mostly about the house! It is such an exciting experience that I have to share even the littlest details. Last night I went over and cleaned the house. Luckily since it is a brand new home and has never been lived in it was not too much work. There is something about cleaning a house before you move in! For one thing I never truly know how well the people cleaned before me so it gives me a peace of mind that it is clean. I also think it might be a touch of a territorial thing too, like I am putting my mark on the house. Dogs pee, I clean. Last night I discovered such a nifty cleaning product! It is the new Clorox toilet bowl cleaner/freshner. I just saw it on a commercial and thought that I would try it out. It is a gel type substance that comes out of a tube and sticks to the toilet. It cleans and keeps it smelling fresh as a daisy. It is amazing! Obviously, it has not been long enough for me to actually be able to tell if it will work or not, but I was sure excited about. You know you have reached a whole new place when you get so thrilled over cleaning products. Another area that I am my mother made over. Oh, and the cabinet space that I have…MARVELOUS! Joe and I have SO much kitchen things! Our kitchen at the apartment was stuffed to capacity! I am so excited to have space. However, I am a little concerned about my closet. I think that we are going to have to add another shelf.

On to other news…Sophie is starting to move up higher. I was having some pains because she was staying SO low! She was putting a lot of pressure on my back, hips, etc because she would not move up. Today she has though…YAY! I was nervous that she was going to try and stay there until she was ready to make her debut. I am really starting to look pregnant. It is so much fun! Well, I think that just about does it for my updates today!

Home Sweet Home

Joe and I are official home owners! YAY! We could not be more excited!! We are so proud of our home! We had our closing appointment at 4pm yesterday. Sorry that I do not have pictures. Joe would not let me ask them to take a picture of us signing our papers. I did want to capture the moment, but apparently that was too much. Side note…do you ever have moments when you are like, “Oh my word, I AM turning into my mother”? I had one of those yesterdays. Both my parents are fanatics about taking pictures, but my mom is the one that is always taking them at what I thought at the moment was an embarrassing time. However, now I realize that she just wanted to remember that moment. What we looked like, what we were wearing, etc. I realized then that I would be doing the same thing to my children that my mother did to us and I will love every second of it. Luckily, I do not mind that I am like my mother, and I see more and more every day just how much I am! Back to my story…We were finished by 5:15 and headed to Plant City. Of course all of our family came with us to the house. I did break out my camera for when we walked in to our house for the first time as the owners. As you can see in the picture above Joe put the key in the lock, we stopped and took a picture, went to turn the key and it did not work. They had given us the wrong key. Talk about anti-climatic! My brother-in-law shouted out, “Welcome to being a homeowner”. Luckily, the back sliding glass door was open so we still were able to get in. I can not wait to have a house that is back in order. We have been living out of boxes for the past week and a half since they had to push back our closing date.

My mother-in-law had told me that becoming one with your husband is not something that happens at the wedding. It is something that takes time, effort, and life to do. This made sense to me then, but even more now. For me marriage is such a huge concept that even at the beginning of ours I was still looking at him and thinking, “We are married. That is my husband. Wow.” It was so much to absorb. For me it has been certain events, fights that we worked through, and actions that we communicated to each other that made the fact that Joe and I more concrete. Buying a home with Joe has really made me feel more one with him. I mean I can not up and leave now. For the record, I was not planning on it. Our lives are becoming more weaved together. For so long it was his stuff and my stuff that we brought together. Now we are starting to have our stuff. Since I lived in our apartment for so many months by myself when he moved in it felt more like he was moving into my place. So this is our first home that we will be moving in together. I would love to hear what my married friends think about this; if they went through these feelings/realizations as well or if it was more all at once for them.

Our Weekend

Joe and I went to Daytona Beach for the weekend! It was such a relaxing trip! It started off a bit rocky, but ended up being exactly what we needed! We laid on the beach, read, and spent time just being out together. It was perfect! My aunt and cousin ended up being there as well. We did not see too much of them, but we did go out to dinner one night and dessert the next. They are so much fun to be around. I do not think Joe even cared that it was all girls. I guess he should get use to it J. On our way home we went to the most fabulous outlet mall. It had all of my favorite stores! I can not wait to go there with my mom and sister! I even found size 4 high heels. I was in love. Too bad they were originally $400. They were 50% off making them a grand total of $200. Had then been any cheaper, or if I was still single sadly to say, I would have bought them simply because they were a size 4. That is how desperate having such a small foot, and a shoe full of toilet paper, makes a person! Maybe one day.

Sophie is getting so much stronger! Not to mention so much bigger. I read in one of my books that she is going to double her weight in the next four weeks. Geesh…I know that I have such a long way to go, but I am already feeling the strains of her. I would not trade it for the world though! Everyone time I start to feel a little cranky/uncomfortable I remind myself just how incredible lucky I am to be carrying a life! Not just any life, but my daughter’s! I could never express the gratitude and appreciation I feel! I can not wait for my friends to have this experience as well! There is nothing that beats it in the world!

Random thoughts for the day

*Disclaimer…this is going to be an extremely random blog. Instead of doing several different blogs today I am going to put them all into one. I will title them so that it may not be too confusing.

Anti-War protestors protest by vandalism…WHAT?!?!?!

Last night I was watching the news. Of course they were covering the Republican National Convention and they were doing a story on protestors in St. Paul that were protesting the war. How else were they protesting for peace but by violence? You know, because this makes perfect sense. I sat there OUTRAGED because they were breaking in windows of innocent businesses, pushing over trash cans, and violating the boundaries in which the police had allowed them to protest. Please do not get me wrong I am not upset because they were protesting because thankfully in America we still have the right to a voice. I am exasperated because these protestors are inflicting violence for peace. Where in the world is the sense and RESPECT in this? I sat there watching thinking, “I’m so glad that I personally have people that are very dear to me over in Iraq FIGHTING and RISKING their lives every second so this little punk can have the freedom to bust in a window of an innocent person.” I still can not seem to wrap my mind around how these kids justified their actions. I’m honestly in complete shock at the illogic of it! Maybe they are against the war for different reason than peace. I still do not think violence is the correct way to receive validity for their concerns about the war.

Onto a more trivial matter compared to the one above…

Maternity Clothes

I can not seem to find cute maternity clothes any where. It’s either they are moderately priced yet horrific or they are incredible expensive and some what cute. Most of the articles of clothing that I have found are patterns and materials that I would never wear if I was not pregnant. I think that if anything maternity clothes should be amazingly fabulous because you have enough to deal with body image wise while you are pregnant. They do have a lot more cute casual clothes than dressy. The work clothes leave A LOT to be desired. Even Ann Taylor (Which I was ecstatic to find out had maternity clothing because it is one of my favorite stores) does not have a very wide selection of fashionable items. Even A Pea in the Pod, as EXPENSIVE as it is, does not have too many desirable items. So if there are any other women who have experience this crisis as well I would greatly appreciate your feedback and if you found any places that had cute, reasonably priced maternity clothing.